


Hello God, It's Me Yennefer (I don't want to be alone anymore)

by BadBatch (Forever_Cynical)



Series: Flash Fiction Challenge [19]
Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Cheating, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-08-20
Packaged: 2021-03-05 21:01:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25991770
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Forever_Cynical/pseuds/BadBatch
Summary: Flash ficBring on the angst. Told from Yennefer's point of view as she prays for help during recovery. She misses her wife, her ex wife. She misses their child, and she just doesn't want to be alone anymore.
Relationships: Margarita Laux-Antille/Tissaia de Vries, Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Series: Flash Fiction Challenge [19]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1879456
Comments: 5
Kudos: 14





	Hello God, It's Me Yennefer (I don't want to be alone anymore)

My muscles are tense and on this soft, expensive mattress, I feel more like a mannequin than the woman of flesh and bone I am. I can feel the stress moving around my body like I can feel my heart racing in my chest. I should move off of the bed and walk through my apartment. I should take my pills out my bag and hope that when I swallow them down with cloudy, unfiltered water that they will ease the pain. Unfortunately, I won’t move out of the bed, my muscles ache and my head is pounding. I would give nothing more right now than to pour a glass full of vodka and knock it back like it were juice, but I can’t. 

Sometimes, I feel like the necklace around my neck grows too tight when the hunger to break free from recovery grows too fierce. It's been 12 months since I last tasted the harsh bite of whiskey or my throat burned from the vodka I was forcing down my throat. The need to sleep overwhelms me but I just can’t shut down. Her necklace feels heavy around my neck. I wonder if she wants it back. It was hers first. She gave it to me when we got serious. A symbol of more, a symbol of forever. A symbol I threw back into her face. 

I need to get better. I need to be better. 

For her. 

Visitation once a week with the child that was born from my very own body. Tissaia brings her by to the apartment, her bitch girlfriend checks my apartment for empty liquor bottles and I put on a fake smile and tell them how happy they are that they are getting engaged. The woman who I loved can barely look me in the eyes and I know it's my fault. I let myself drown in my own misery and it drained the love from our lives and drained the sanity from my mind. 

I wonder if Rita really does make her happy? 

It all started on a lonely day in November, when the rain was too cold and our bed wasn't warm enough to keep my thoughts straying. I just wanted to forget one night. Just wanted to forget my sins, our sins. So I began to drink. Drinking to forget the one I loved more, the one you loved more, to forget how much of a fuck up I was. Tissaia watched me fall deeper and deeper into disappear and gave up on me. Not that I blame her. It wasn't that she didn't try, it was that I fought her. I fought her every time. 

When I cheated on her when I was too drunk to notice that the brunette with me wasn't her. That was the final straw. 

We all have our sins; my sponsor says and I used to mock him. An ex bounty hunter with a chip on his shoulder and five years sober chip in his hand. He cheated on his boyfriend and I can see the regret in his amber eyes, almost every day. 

Hello God, it's me, Yennefer, are you there? 

Fuck. I haven't prayed in so long and I feel like all I’ve done so far is tell you how much I messed up, but I guess I'm on the right path. I’m here in bed. Resisting the liquor store. Telling myself I can take my pills tomorrow and I swear God, I will. I just feel so drained. They say nothing worth doing is easy and I’m trying. I’m trying to be better for my kid, for her mom, for me. 

Please God, help me do this. 

I don’t want to be alone anymore.


End file.
